How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship: Steps to Break Free and Start a New Life

How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship: Steps To Break Free And Start A New Life


Being in an abusive relationship is a nightmare that no one should have to endure. It can leave you feeling trapped, isolated, and powerless. But it’s essential to remember that you don’t have to suffer in silence. You have the power to break free and start a new life.

The first step is to recognize that you’re in an abusive relationship. Once you’ve acknowledged the reality of your situation, it’s time to take action. In this article, we’ll go over the steps you need to take to get out of an abusive relationship and start a new life.

Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Before we dive into the steps to get out of an abusive relationship, it’s important to know what signs to look for. Here are some common indicators of an abusive relationship:

  • Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, punching, or any other violent behavior.
  • Emotional abuse: verbal insults, manipulation, humiliation, isolation from friends and family, or control over finances.
  • Sexual abuse: forced sex, coercion, or pressure to engage in sexual acts.
  • Stalking: repeated and unwanted contact, monitoring of activities, or threats.

If you’re experiencing any of these behaviors, it’s time to take action. Remember, abuse is never okay, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Steps to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

1. Create a safety plan

Creating a safety plan is crucial when leaving an abusive relationship. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that outlines the steps you can take to stay safe while leaving or after leaving an abusive partner. Here are some steps to help you create a safety plan:

  1. Identify safe places: Identify safe places where you can go if you feel threatened or in danger. This could be a trusted friend or family member’s home, a shelter, or a hotel.
  2. Pack an emergency bag: Pack a bag with essential items, such as your identification, important documents, money, clothes, medications, and anything else you might need in case of an emergency.
  3. Plan your escape route: Plan your escape route from your home or workplace in case you need to leave quickly. Make sure to avoid areas that could put you in danger, such as secluded areas or places where your abuser may be.
  4. Secure your home: If you’re still living with your abuser, take steps to secure your home. Change the locks, install a security system, and make sure your abuser cannot enter the home without your permission.
  5. Stay connected: Stay connected with supportive friends and family members who can help you during this time. Share your safety plan with them and make sure they know how to reach you in case of an emergency.
  6. Avoid contact: Avoid all contact with your abuser, including phone calls, texts, and social media. Block their phone number and social media accounts, and avoid places where they may be.
  7. Talk to your employer: If your abuser knows where you work, talk to your employer and let them know about the situation. They can help you create a safety plan at work and take steps to ensure your safety.

Remember, a safety plan should be tailored to your specific needs and situation. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek support from domestic violence organizations or professionals who can help you create a plan that works for you.

2. Seek support

Sometimes, it may feel like you’re alone and that no one understands what you’re going through. But, the truth is that there are many people out there who care about you and want to help you. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Talking to someone about what you’re going through can be incredibly therapeutic. It can help you process your emotions, gain perspective, and make a plan for your safety and well-being. Trusted friends and family can offer you a listening ear and support, while domestic violence organizations have trained professionals who can provide you with expert guidance and resources.

It’s important to remember that seeking support is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes strength and courage to ask for help when you need it. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there are people who want to help you.

If you’re hesitant to seek support, know that it’s normal to feel that way. You may worry about being judged or not being believed, but remember that you have the right to be heard and taken seriously. You may also worry about your abuser finding out, but domestic violence organizations take confidentiality very seriously and will do everything they can to protect your privacy.

3. Stay safe during the breakup

Breaking up with an abusive partner can be dangerous, so it’s essential to take precautions. Here are some tips to stay safe during the breakup:

  • Break up in a public place: choose a public place to end the relationship, where you feel safe and comfortable.
  • Have someone with you: bring a trusted friend or family member with you for emotional support and protection.
  • Stay firm: be clear and firm when you end the relationship, and don’t engage in arguments or discussions.
  • Have a safety plan: Before you leave, create a safety plan with the help of a domestic violence organization or trusted friend or family member. This plan should include where you’ll go, who you’ll contact, and what steps you’ll take to protect yourself.
  • Don’t confront your abuser: Confronting your abuser during the breakup can be dangerous and escalate the situation. Instead, have someone else present when you leave or have a police officer accompany you.
  • Change your routines: Change your routines, such as your route to work or school, to avoid contact with your abuser.
  • Use technology safely: Be cautious of your abuser monitoring your phone or computer use. Change your passwords, use a new phone number, and don’t post your location on social media.
  • Stay alert: Pay attention to your surroundings and be aware of any unusual activity or people following you.

4. File a restraining order

It’s important to take precautions if you fear for your safety after leaving an abusive relationship. Filing a restraining order can be a powerful tool to protect yourself from your abuser. It’s a legal document that clearly states that your abuser is not allowed to contact you, approach you, or come near you.

If you’re considering filing a restraining order, please understand the process and what it entails. The first step is to contact your local law enforcement agency or a domestic violence organization to learn about the legal process and get the necessary forms to fill out.

When filling out the forms, be sure to provide as much detail as possible about the abuse you have experienced. Include specific incidents, dates, and any evidence you may have, such as photographs or text messages. This information will help the judge understand the severity of the situation and make an informed decision.

After you’ve filed the paperwork, a hearing will be scheduled. This is your opportunity to present your case to a judge and explain why you need a restraining order. It’s important to be honest and specific about the abuse you’ve experienced and how it has impacted your life.

If the judge grants your restraining order, remember to keep a copy of the document with you at all times. Give copies to your workplace, your child’s school, and anyone else who may need to know about the order. If your abuser violates the restraining order, contact law enforcement immediately.

While filing a restraining order can be a powerful tool to protect yourself from your abuser, please know that it’s just one piece of the puzzle. You have to continue to take steps to prioritize your safety and well-being, such as creating a safety plan, seeking support from loved ones and professionals, and practicing self-care.

5. Cut off all contact

One of the first things you should do is change your phone number, email address, and social media accounts. This will prevent your abuser from contacting you and monitoring your activities. It’s also essential to block your abuser on all social media platforms and messaging apps.

If you have children with your abuser, it’s crucial to arrange for supervised visitation. This will ensure their safety and prevent your abuser from using your children as a way to control or manipulate you. You can contact your local family court or domestic violence organization to help you navigate this process.

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and scared about cutting off all contact with your abuser. However, it’s essential to remember that you deserve to be safe and free from abuse. You have the right to protect yourself and take steps to prevent your abuser from contacting you.

If you’re struggling to cut off contact with your abuser, it’s important to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a domestic violence organization. They can provide you with guidance, resources, and emotional support during this challenging time.

Remember, cutting off all contact with your abuser is not only essential for your safety but also for your healing and recovery. It will allow you to focus on your well-being and start a new life free from abuse. You deserve to live a life full of love, respect, and happiness, and taking steps to cut off contact with your abuser is an important part of achieving that.

6. Focus on self-care

Leaving an abusive relationship can be emotionally and mentally draining. It’s important to prioritize self-care during this time. Here are some tips to help you take care of yourself:

  • Seek therapy: Therapy can help you process your emotions and trauma and provide tools for healing.
  • Practice self-care: Take care of your physical and mental health by eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
  • Join a support group: Joining a support group can help you connect with others who have been through similar experiences and provide a sense of community.

7. Create a new life

After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s time to start a new life. Here are some steps to help you create a new and healthy life:

  • Set boundaries: Establish boundaries with those who do not respect your need for safety and respect.
  • Find a support system: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who encourage your healing and growth.
  • Focus on your goals: Take steps towards achieving your goals, whether it’s going back to school, starting a new career, or pursuing a passion.
  • Practice self-love: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and learn to love yourself again.


Leaving an abusive relationship can be a challenging and overwhelming experience, but it’s essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. By creating a safety plan, seeking support, staying safe during the breakup, filing a restraining order, cutting off all contact, focusing on self-care, and creating a new life, you can break free and start a new chapter in your life. Remember, abuse is never okay, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Don’t lose hope, and know that you’re not alone.

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