I’m 23, Living in Nainital, and Honestly… Adulting Is Breaking Me

I Thought Growing Up Meant Freedom. I Was So Wrong.

Hi. I’m 23. I live in Nainital, a small town cradled in the hills of Uttarakhand. From the outside, it’s beautiful. People call it “picturesque,” “dreamy,” “calm.” But inside? I’m falling apart. And honestly, I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s start with this:
Adulting is not just hard. It’s soul-crushing.
And no one really prepares you for it.

The Dream vs. Reality

As a teenager, I had this perfect picture in my head—wake up, drink coffee on the balcony overlooking the lake, work a creative job, have friends over, laugh, love, grow. You know, the usual “Pinterest board” life.

Now?
I wake up with anxiety sitting on my chest.
My coffee goes cold as I stare blankly at emails I don’t want to answer.
My friends are all “busy.” So am I.
And most days, I feel like I’m faking it all.

The Silent Pressure of Being “Okay”

When people ask how I am, I say “good.” I lie. Not because I want to, but because it’s easier than explaining the 3 a.m. breakdowns or the suffocating weight of uncertainty.

You see, no one talks about how lonely your twenties can feel.
How confusing. How lost.
How even in a town surrounded by lakes and hills, you can feel like you’re drowning.

“You’re So Lucky to Live in the Hills!”

Yes. I am. I know. That’s what people say.

But they don’t see me scrolling job listings at midnight, wondering if I’m wasting my degree.
They don’t know how I feel when relatives ask, “Shaadi ka kya plan hai?”
They haven’t seen me crying in the bathroom after a failed freelance pitch or after realizing I have ₹412 in my bank account and a rent due in three days.

This place is peaceful, but my mind isn’t.

The Weight of Expectations

Sometimes, I sit with my mother on the veranda. She asks gently, “Beta, sab theek hai?”
I nod. Smile. Change the topic.
Because how do I explain that I feel like I’m disappointing her just by existing?

I was supposed to “make it.”
Be the first one in the family to have a stable job, be independent, maybe even move to Dehradun or Delhi.
But here I am—stuck. Frozen in time.
Too scared to move forward. Too ashamed to go back.

Love Feels Like a Luxury

People talk about love in their twenties—wild, messy, beautiful love.

I’ve had… situationships.
Half-written promises. People who called me “intense” for feeling too deeply.
And now, I don’t even try.
Because how do you love someone when you don’t even love where you are in life?

What No One Told Me

No one told me…

• That some days, brushing your hair feels like a task.
• That cooking for one feels lonelier than ordering food.
• That your dreams might change.
• That your energy will dip, your friends will drift, your self-worth will fluctuate like the stock market.

No one told me that adulting would feel like grieving the version of you who thought you had it all figured out.

The Little Things That Keep Me Going

But here’s the thing. I’m still here.

Some days, I find comfort in small things:

• The sound of rain hitting the tin roof.
• Maggi made at 2 a.m. while wrapped in a shawl.
• The shopkeeper who smiles at me and says, “Woh wali Dairy Milk le jao, achhi hai.”
• My dog, Bhola, who wags his tail no matter how terrible my day was.

These things don’t fix my life. But they remind me that I’m alive.

A Message to Anyone in Their 20s

If you’re 23, 25, or even 29 and you feel lost—you’re not alone.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
It’s okay if your dreams don’t match your degree.
It’s okay if you cry while scrolling Instagram wondering why everyone else seems so… sorted.

No one really knows what they’re doing. We’re all pretending, surviving, adulting one messy day at a time.

And Finally..

I don’t have an inspiring end to this confession.
There’s no sudden “aha” moment or life-changing event.

But maybe that’s the point.

Maybe growing up isn’t about winning or achieving some grand success.
Maybe it’s just about waking up, showing up, and trying again—even when everything inside you wants to give up.

And if you’re reading this from some corner of the world—or maybe from another hill town in Uttarakhand—
just know, you and I,
we’re in this together.

💬 Have you ever felt this way too? Let’s talk. Drop a comment. No filters. Just truth.