Ideally Flawed: Insecurity and self doubt

With all other self-doubts kept aside, I’ve also always had a problem with wearing specs. In the school days I remember, whether I would sit at the last bench or even at the first, the writing on the board was hardly ever visible to me. But specs!? No. Never. I wouldn’t wear them for more than a period or two, and that too only if it was utterly necessary. The reason was ofcourse, the insecurity. Insecurity about how I would look, what people would think of me, and whether or not I would be presentable to anyone. Ugh, those feelings!

Even today, I get the same feeling sometimes but in waves. On some days, I feel carefree and semi-comfortable, and on other days I’m not comfortable at all. The thought of a big nose, chapped lips, atrophic skin and over them, these specs has always scared me.

I talk about body positivity so often because it is with what I struggle too. While there are people who love me as I am, I’m still so unacceptable for myself – and this feels awful to be honest. We have somehow created the perfect body images in our minds with weirdly specific features not realising that in reality, there is never a “right” way to be beautiful.

Anyway, personally to overcome these, I mostly keep pasting affirmations on my stuff and I use confirmative pictures as my phone wallpapers. I find posts that make me feel more confident and I share them on my feed. I put reminders to drink water in small intervals and I try to talk to people about these feelings unapologetically.

All these things may sound like crap, but they work. They bring a change in my thinking, even if it’s just to the slightest degree, and I start trying to be who I am. I feel better because the more we open up about these insecurities, the more we get to relate to each other about them. And in the end, this vulnerability comes up as a strength, not a weakness, and these assertions help in arising the hope that someday, we will all feel truly and realistically beautiful from the inside-out. Someday, the flawed will be idealistic too.

About the Author

Shail Sharma, 20, believes in being an iconoclast and creating miracles. It is her sensitivity towards emotions that makes her a passionate writer and the entrepreneurial skills that run side by side with her Midas touch. Besides being the founder of an evolving writing community called Writerophelia, she is also an author, editor, and freelancer.