Sugar Lane: A (Totally Made-Up) Tour of Delhi’s Naughtiest Neighborhood

Everything you are about to read is 100 % fictional. Any resemblance to actual colonies, uncles, aunties, or Birkins is purely coincidental. Or is it?

Welcome to Sugarbagh Enclave, South Delhi’s most deliciously hypocritical postcode.
Population: 4,200
Average property price: ₹18 crore
Average age gap between “just good friends”: 31.4 years

The Official Welcome Sign (that nobody installed)

“Abandon morality, ye who enter here.
But please use the service lane for the G-wagon drop-offs.”

A Day in the Life – The Official (Unspoken) Schedule

7:00 a.m.
Aunties power-walk in Lululemon, comparing notes on whose husband left for “early morning meetings” in Aerocity.

9:00 a.m.
The 23-year-old “brand consultant” next door leaves for her “office” (read: Roseate House spa day).
Car: Thar with custom plate “DADDY 01”.

1:00 p.m.
Kitty party at Mrs. Malhotra’s.
Topic of discussion: “These Gen-Z girls have no shame.”
Location of the ₹3.5 lakh Hermès Kelly on the table: suspiciously new.

6:00 p.m.
Uncle returns from “golf” smelling faintly of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle and zero regrets.

10:00 p.m.
The wife posts an Instagram story:
“Grateful for my rock #Blessed #20YearsStrong”
Location tag: London (she’s been there since Tuesday).

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The Four Sacred Rules of Sugarbagh

1. Never tag the actual location. Use “Somewhere in South Delhi” or “Heaven”.
2. The wife and the girlfriend must never be in the same WhatsApp group. (Overlaps cause server crashes.)
3. Children must believe the 24-year-old neighbour is “Papa’s colleague’s daughter doing internship”.
4. If confronted, default response: “Arre, she’s like my daughter only.”

Local Landmarks (Renamed by Residents)

• Starbucks → “Allowance ATM”
• Select Citywalk → “Sugar Baby Fashion Week”
• Community park → “Who gets the Thar today?” parking lottery
• Temple → Where wives pray the girlfriend doesn’t get pregnant first

Official Sugarbagh Dictionary

Phrase You Hear	What It Actually Means
“He’s just helping her career”	₹3 lakh transferred
“She’s family friend”	She has the spare key
“London for medical check-up”	London for new nose + new boyfriend
“Beta, have some shame”	Said while wearing the shame’s Cartier bracelet

The Annual Sugarbagh Awards (held secretly in Goa)

• Best Performance in a Supporting Role: Wife who liked 47 of the girlfriend’s bikini posts
• Lifetime Achievement: Uncle who bought two identical Birkins in different colours “just in case”
• Rising Star: 22-year-old who convinced uncle to pay for her entire girl-gang’s Dubai trip

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Exit Interview with a Former Resident (now in Gurugram)

“I moved out when my mother-in-law asked the 25-year-old neighbour to light the Diwali diya before me.
Even satire has limits.”

Welcome to Sugarbagh Enclave.
Where the gulab jamuns are sugar-free,
but absolutely nothing else is.

This is satire. Obviously.
Or maybe the joke’s on us for thinking it isn’t.

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