Sugar Lane: A (Totally Made-Up) Tour of Delhi’s Naughtiest Neighborhood
Everything you are about to read is 100 % fictional. Any resemblance to actual colonies, uncles, aunties, or Birkins is purely coincidental. Or is it?
Welcome to Sugarbagh Enclave, South Delhi’s most deliciously hypocritical postcode.
Population: 4,200
Average property price: ₹18 crore
Average age gap between “just good friends”: 31.4 years
The Official Welcome Sign (that nobody installed)
“Abandon morality, ye who enter here.
But please use the service lane for the G-wagon drop-offs.”
A Day in the Life – The Official (Unspoken) Schedule
7:00 a.m.
Aunties power-walk in Lululemon, comparing notes on whose husband left for “early morning meetings” in Aerocity.
9:00 a.m.
The 23-year-old “brand consultant” next door leaves for her “office” (read: Roseate House spa day).
Car: Thar with custom plate “DADDY 01”.
1:00 p.m.
Kitty party at Mrs. Malhotra’s.
Topic of discussion: “These Gen-Z girls have no shame.”
Location of the ₹3.5 lakh Hermès Kelly on the table: suspiciously new.
6:00 p.m.
Uncle returns from “golf” smelling faintly of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle and zero regrets.
10:00 p.m.
The wife posts an Instagram story:
“Grateful for my rock #Blessed #20YearsStrong”
Location tag: London (she’s been there since Tuesday).
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→ Read MoreThe Four Sacred Rules of Sugarbagh
- Never tag the actual location. Use “Somewhere in South Delhi” or “Heaven”.
- The wife and the girlfriend must never be in the same WhatsApp group. (Overlaps cause server crashes.)
- Children must believe the 24-year-old neighbour is “Papa’s colleague’s daughter doing internship”.
- If confronted, default response: “Arre, she’s like my daughter only.”
Local Landmarks (Renamed by Residents)
- Starbucks → “Allowance ATM”
- Select Citywalk → “Sugar Baby Fashion Week”
- Community park → “Who gets the Thar today?” parking lottery
- Temple → Where wives pray the girlfriend doesn’t get pregnant first
Official Sugarbagh Dictionary
| Phrase You Hear | What It Actually Means |
|---|---|
| “He’s just helping her career” | ₹3 lakh transferred |
| “She’s family friend” | She has the spare key |
| “London for medical check-up” | London for new nose + new boyfriend |
| “Beta, have some shame” | Said while wearing the shame’s Cartier bracelet |
The Annual Sugarbagh Awards (held secretly in Goa)
- Best Performance in a Supporting Role: Wife who liked 47 of the girlfriend’s bikini posts
- Lifetime Achievement: Uncle who bought two identical Birkins in different colours “just in case”
- Rising Star: 22-year-old who convinced uncle to pay for her entire girl-gang’s Dubai trip
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→ Read MoreExit Interview with a Former Resident (now in Gurugram)
“I moved out when my mother-in-law asked the 25-year-old neighbour to light the Diwali diya before me.
Even satire has limits.”
Welcome to Sugarbagh Enclave.
Where the gulab jamuns are sugar-free,
but absolutely nothing else is.
This is satire. Obviously.
Or maybe the joke’s on us for thinking it isn’t.
Loved this? There’s more fire coming.
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